Sunday, October 18, 2015

4th Trimester: Officially Over!



Dear Lilly

Today you turned 3 months old! I wasn't sure what to say about this month, so I stared at the screen for a bit before taking a break to feed you. That was when your dad said to me, "You're so good at this." He did not know I had started this letter, and I started laughing. This was the month where I doubted everything and didn't feel like I was good at anything.

At the beginning of this month, I suspected you had lost some weight, which is hard to guess at when you only weigh 9lbs. Typing out the whole saga would ultimately be pretty dull, so the nutshell version is that we've had four weight checks with the pediatrician and two meetings with a lactation consultant in the past month. For whatever reason, my milk supply had dropped, and we spent most of 3 weeks at home trying to solve the problem. Two days ago was the first time Dr Kebler was ok with waiting two weeks for the next check, and today was the first day where I was fully confident that you were getting enough milk again without frequent pumping and supplementing.

Through it all, Dr Kebler said that you were perfectly healthy and hitting all your milestones. You have been happy and smiling and even started laughing this month. Everyone thinks you are adorable and the lactation consultant asked how I ever get any work done when you are hamming it up. You might just be a skinny kid, and that's ok! It does make it tricky to find pants, though. 3m size pants fall off your skinny butt and newborn pants, if we can even find them, are too short.

I never thought that I would care either way if I couldn't breastfeed, but those hormones are crazy. There were points this month where I wanted to give up, but at the same time my brain was telling me that was not an option, and woe to the person who said "formula" to me. I still think that moms should not feel like they have failed if they can't continue to breastfeed, but now I understand why it is sometimes so upsetting for them. You just can't help it.

Of course, I have selfish reasons for wanting to exclusively breastfeed. It's so much easier to go on adventures! Even though pumping and bottles kept us at home more this month, you still went to two vendor shows with me, we got a Zoo membership and made new friends, we went to the Drive-In to see Gremlins, Hotel Transylvania 2, and Rocky Horror Picture Show, and we spent an afternoon at John G's again. We will always find ways to have fun, no matter what!

Love
Mommy

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